My twenties are almost at an end….
I can honestly say I am not scared of turning 30, in fact I am excited and looking forward to the start of a new decade in my life.
It is weird to look back and reflect especially over the last couple of years but too recognise that I have done some pretty epic stuff in the last 10 years and there has been a lot of blood, sweat and tears go into it.
Attending university on two separate occasions, getting through Cancer, living on the other side of the world and becoming a seasoned traveller are probably the biggest achievements. Then there are the smaller ones – making friends, connecting with incredible people who are out to make a difference, seeing love bloom, seeing the start of new life and learning so much I think have made me more aware of how important the small things really are.
Over the past month I have pondered about writing several times but wanted to be more honest about my life. Every time I started chatting to myself about how I would go about it (yes I talk to myself frequently) I felt I was being negative. Nope I was just being honest.
Just over a week ago an amazing lady and someone I have meet through networking asked me “How are you? and be honest” I responded with a “Not that great”. I almost felt a sense of relief. Are we conditioned to answer that question with good, or ok and great? or is honesty just too much – worried you will make someone worry about you or disturb their happy day? This lead me to put hands to keys today. I don’t claim to be together and I certainly don’t feel it. I am not depressed nor am I unhappy, I just feel nothing.
Being back in New Zealand is hard and I am not the only one suffering the “London Blues”. I miss certain things – the cheap goods from Primark, the never ending amount of events and eaterys, the cheap west end shows and bless it the London Underground. Yes, I am still receiving TFL (Transport for London) updates via email even though I left in December, I guess it just reminds me of a place that seems such a distance away.
In saying all of that though being home is great. The beach, grass and trees. Smiling faces and that acknowledgement when you give way to someone in a narrow street. Customer service and the sunny, warm winter days.
I have been reading a lot and I have never been a big book worm so that has been pretty cool. I feel like I am learning so much and I am so engaged in some of the things I am reading about. I have noticed that I am almost getting lost in books which is certainly a good thing when my mind seems to race at what seems hundreds of miles an hour. I think in some ways I am still trying to slow down and get into the pace here in New Zealand. Holy shit it’s slow. I guess I feel like I am building towards the next path in my life, what that is I have no idea but I am looking forward to it whatever it may be. Patience is hard to accept and I am trying to be like cheese….good things take time…..haha.
I feel like we all have to fill a certian mold – get a good job, earn a good wage, save, save save because you’ll need it to buy an over priced Auckland property at some point. I am constantly asking what can I do, where am I headed and what is my purpose in life – I’m not sure yet if it’s right to be doing this but happiness will lie in there someplace. If any of you reading this are in the same boat look within yourself to search for some kind of answer. Peel back the layers.
Around the time of my cancerversary I was having some tests done to find the reason to why I was having pain in my rib cage. I had had what felt like bruised ribs fr awhile and it flared up just before I went to the US in April. While it turned out to be nothing, there I was back in the process of being in hospitals having tests to ascertain if the cancer had decided to return. I had a bone scan that picked up “increased activity” so further investigation was required to check if it was nothing. After a CT scan I was given the all clear. I never like to worry anyone so I always stand by the decision not to say anything until after things have been confirmed, however I feel in this instance I can admit this was a bit of a scare. It’s hard to explain the feelings and thoughts that start running through my head when I am waiting for results, I just know that they are not good feelings but it does make me consider why my body is behaving that way and what I need to do to make things better. Health is wealth and I am looking into how I can improve wellness in my life. Being kinder to oneself is a good challenge to have.
It’s not the kind of reminder I wanted or needed but it has made me reassess a few things and there is a lot I need to work through. I think one of the key things I have done this year and might I add easily pulled off was giving up alcohol. I think this may be a forever move. Being sober is somewhat entertaining especially when one goes out on a Saturday night.
A wee bit of media cudos…..
Managed to have an awesome article in the fabulous TNT Magazine. Some what of a bible to those who have lived in London this was least to say a bit of an honor to be in. A massive thanks to Caroline Garner for sharing my story. http://www.tntmagazine.com/emag – June 2015, Issue 1594
I seem to be getting a few follows on Twitter and just this week a website called Change this Moment have shared my story. This is a website full of people’s incredible journeys and well worth a read indeed if you are in the hunt for a bit of inspiration. http://www.changemymoment.com
A massive thanks to the lovely Chloe Johnson and the University of Auckland for having me in their campaign Top of the Class – #myteachermoment. Pretty awesome to be involved in a campaign that acknowledges such a great profession as well as encouraging others to share their own teacher moments and how those moments made a difference to them.
http://www.topoftheclass.ac.nz/en/meet-the-teachers/jessica-weller.html
I am currently enjoying the school holidays. Reading and resting. Was great to have my lovely friend Catherine who I lived with in London over from Brisbane for a visit. Was awesome to re-visit cathedral Cove, Hahei and Whitianga again. Love the Coromandel. Visited Hobbiton in Matamata and despite the rain we were incredibly impressed with this real life movie set. So facinating. So realistic! Definiatly worth a look. We had the intention of going skiing but got snow instead while seeing my family in Ohakune. Freezing cold!
One more week of school holidays left. Love holidays.
Jess x
Jess Weller 